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Melissa Evans, AAHCC |
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Resources—Parenting |
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Philosophies: Mothering Magazine’s site has great articles and a discussion forum (you don’t have to be a vegetarian to be accepted here =)). They have forums for breastfeeding, the case against circumcision, vaccines, parenting, gentle discipline, sleeping, diapering, pregnancy, and much, much more. There are even Due Date Clubs, a great way to “hang out” with other moms in the same boat. Holistic Moms Network is another way to find a supportive community (Here is their Denver group). Another local resource is Empowered Parents and Children. She has a wonderful and supportive philosophy. Interesting concepts: Alfie Kohn and 5 Reasons to Stop Saying ‘Good Job!’ caused a huge paradigm shift for me. I love his book “Unconditional Parenting.” Natural Child, Nonviolent Communication, The Continuum Concept, and Attachment Parenting are other wonderful tools. I loved how things I had done were validated by these wonderful people, and new ideas were given. Babies can manipulate their hands before they can talk; sign language is a great tool to communicate with baby! It can help reduce the frustration for both baby and mommy, and help limit tantrums. And a second language is always great to know! Signing Time is a video collection that is great fun. Signing Smart offers local classes for parents and children. I took a human development class when I was in college just for the heck of it. The teacher was someone I respected a lot and seemed to be the kind of mother I’d like to be, but then she mentioned sleeping with her kids and I thought she was totally out of her gourd. After Spencer got home and we were working with the bassinet thing, he’d have to cry to wake me up to nurse. Then he’d be so mad, he’d have a hard time latching on and would chomp... ouch! I was at the end of my rope and it was very scary; I understood how mothers could hurt their babies, it took all my restraint not to harm my newborn. Recognizing that this was horribly wrong, I called the OB, got a month’s worth of Zoloft; talked to the lactation consultant for help; and let the baby sleep next to me. Then I woke up to him mouthing around and mewing, and he could calmly latch on and we were all so much happier. Once I figured this out, I don’t think the anti-depressants were necessary. The concept of co-sleeping has been around since life began; it’s been working, so why change? When mom and baby sleep next to each other, their sleep cycles sync up; so when baby wakes up from a light sleep, mom’s probably in a light sleep too and it’s not so traumatic to be woken. I’m all about my sleep, so this was way easier on me. And once we figured out how to nurse on our sides, well, the Heavens opened and angels sang! Breastmilk is the only meal that can be made in your sleep. A friend of mine mentioned that parents who think they “deserve” a full night’s sleep will parent different than parents who realize that a baby has needs even if the sun is down. Recognizing that parenting is a 24 hour job makes it easier to tend to baby without resentment. And for the record, “sleeping through the night” for a newborn is 4 hours—not 12! Babies have brains to develop and mom has a milk supply to ensure and maintain. One mom said that if baby is less than 10 pounds, then yes, mom needs to wake baby to eat; once baby is over 10 pounds, then baby is probably able to regulate his/her own nutritional needs so let the kiddo sleep. Gary Ezzo is an “expert” to avoid. Dr. William Sears believes that babies are little humans with big needs and if you meet those needs when they’re appropriate, they won’t resurface when they’re not. He teaches parents to listen to their hearts and their babies and I love him for that (which explains why I have so many of his books!). Gary Ezzo’s basic philosophy is that babies are manipulative beings who will ruin your life unless you teach them who’s boss first. He has a secular line (On Becoming Baby Wise) and a “Christian” line (Preparation for Parenthood: Growing Kids God’s Way or Along the Baby Way). Many babies who have been raised with this philosophy have been diagnosed with FTT (Failure To Thrive) and some have even died using his method. Really look at any “expert’s” basic philosophy. Does it match your own? Does it feel right? Just because they wrote a book doesn’t mean they have the truth, nor does it mean they know your baby better than you do. Surround yourself with people and ideas that will help you feel like the competent parent you already are. You and your baby deserve respect. Tips: A practical idea I read about that seemed pretty spiffy was turning the ringers off on your phones and changing your answering machine message to “we brought the baby home today!” and “Daddy gave the baby her first bath today!” type updates. Then people can call, get updates, and leave messages and you can call them when it’s convenient for you without having the phone wake the baby or disrupt you during nap/nursing times. Along the same lines, a book recommended that moms not get dressed for the first week, just hang out in sweats without make up. That way when well-meaning visitors drop by, they won’t be inclined to stay for too long; you need to take care of your baby, not entertain guests. Baby Names – even if you’re already set, this is still a fun site. Safety: Keeping our kids safe is always a parent’s biggest job. This site shows where registered sex offenders live and work. Rocky Mountain Childproofing offers in home assessments, suggestions, and installation of childproofing tools. Another safety concern is car seats. You can check CPSC for recalls. Many places offer car seat safety checks. They’re free, and they can save a baby’s life. It is estimated that about 80% of car seats are installed incorrectly. It’s worth the time! NHSTA has information to help parents also. Keeping your child rear-facing as long as possible helps keep kiddo safe too. Another decision parents have to make about the safety of their children regards vaccines. Consider them carefully, do your research. Think Twice has some information. Do some reading. Proof that vaccines help is minimal; proof that they can do harm is confirmed. |
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Bradley Method® Childbirth Educator |
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Families start here |